The Fame Audit

I have to put in a plug for one of my favorite websites. If only I could be this funny and mean. A goal to aspire to, really. Unfortunately, I think I need to have a bigger sleep debt before I can be this mean, and I think my meanness has gotten rusty since I finished college and no longer had weirdos in my classes or underclassmen to openly mock (for example, emails to dorm mailing lists saying "Has anyone seen my keys? They had a Stanford lanyard and a bottle opener on them!").

Anyway, Fametracker is a hilarious website that, among other things, does Fame Audits on celebrities. The latest one is on Jason Bateman, from the sublimely funny show Arrested Development. (When Arrested Development comes out on DVD, I'm buying it so I can watch it and Armageddon when I'm really blue.) Anyhoo, a snippet from Jason Bateman's Fame Audit:

"You know, we liked Kirk Cameron as much as anyone back in the day. We weren't, like, huge Kirk Cameron fans or anything, but we thought he was cute and huggable in that teen-idol kind of way. And we admit we assumed we'd seen the last of him -- forever. We never -- never -- expected that Kirk Cameron would come back in such a huge way. Kirk Cameron! After all these years! Suddenly, he's starring -- nay, anchoring -- the funniest sitcom on television. And wait! There's Kirk Cameron with a hilarious bit part in Dodgeball, nearly stealing the movie! Kirk Cameron! Who knew?

Okay, we admit the above paragraph sounds a bit ridiculous. But it sounds no more ridiculous if you substitute the name "Jason Bateman" for "Kirk Cameron." And if you do that, the paragraph has the added strange quality of being absolutely true."

Other funny audits: Johnny Depp or Ben Affleck.

- nyanko